I am really sad right now. Not like really, really sad, but sad for this month. Right now I do not feel like taking the sinful world as it is. I feel like wanting it to change. I want it to just be better now. It is not just going to be better now. For some reason I feel detached from Jersey as my home today. My apartment that has started to feel so much like a home just feels like where I am staying. I am so glad as I typed that I rebonded with it. I don’t want to go anywhere now. If I have to in five years, I will; but I will cry my eyes out.
I had counseling this morning. I got to face more of my issues. I am so thankful I get to do it. My brain is working so much better than it used to work. My counselor says that people who have been through chronic trauma have an especially hard time dealing with success or things that feel like success. Our brains are not able to metabolize that emotion. I never knew my brain metabolized things. My brain is going to have to learn how to do one more thing because good things are going to be happening in my life.
While I am struggling right now, I did have a very good day. I worked very coherently and had a clear brain all the way through until 5:30 when I braked for God time and food prep for church small group.
And I got a cheap hair cut today that turned out just amazingly awesomely okay. I am so thankful God is always my provider in all the big and little things.
“Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell. What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” – Matthew 10:28-31