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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Struggling

Goodness. I think I should just stay in bed for a week. It seems all I have done this month is rest. I don’t understand why I still have this “cold”. The sinus problem seems to have mostly changed and vanished today, but now I am coughing more. I better not be getting bronchitis or pneumonia. I do not know who I am threatening with that statement. I just tried to be wise this time and sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. But maybe I should have went to the doctor and slept instead. In any case, we will see what happens tomorrow.

I have a very low key weekend. All I need to do is Celebrate Recovery. I do have plans to share my inventory tomorrow, but those are cancelable if I seem to be actually sick. This is ridiculous.

Today I decided to step out of denial and let a few people who are closest to me know that I have slipped in mental sobriety over the last few weeks. Occasionally, I have thought things like, “If only I could have some vodka, everything would be okay.” So telling people caused me to cry again. Honestly, I am turning into a mess. But then it is time for me to turn into a mess and cry a good portion of the last thirty years out.

What a week! Gray hair, coughing up a lung (just today), another breakdown. I need a nap! Now if I tell myself everything will be okay after twelve hours of sleep, is that faith or denial?

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. – Psalm 147:3

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