A few things happened today. I learned how to put a thought I have been having for the last two years into words. That was good. I had a few great moments of praise and worship as I rocked out and danced for Jesus. I hung two signs above my kitchen sink. “God, help me be a Nehemiah!” and “God is doing a NEW thing!”. Then I began to just eat up the Word. For so long I have been overloaded with information and have pushed off listening to messages or reading mass amounts of the Word. But tonight I am just soaking it in. Food shows? Why? I need to hear some words of Jesus in unminced form. I am listening to a “Shocking Statements of Jesus” series by Northpoint church. That is not boring or minced!
Now I am really sad. I would not say I am having a crisis of faith or feeling at all like quitting, but I am counting the cost. I am looking at what is before me and realizing there is nothing easy about it. I am not going to be a very popular person. There will be disappointment in a lot of people’s voices when they hear my story, when they hear my next project. People are going to tell me to quit. Manifold people are going to tell me I am wrong. Even my closest friends, brothers and sisters (by the blood of Christ) will doubt. People who I expect to support me will turn from me.
Today I realized I am different than some people. Some people think it would be victory for a homosexual to sleep with the opposite sex. Some people think it would be a great sin for me to have sex with a woman tonight, a loss of sobriety. If I slept with a man tonight, they might see it as a simple slip up, no big deal, it wasn’t planned. I am different because I think they are equally great sins of which I lost an equal amount of sobriety. Both sins I could only commit if I trampled over several guardrails before getting there. Both sins I would have to essentially plan by purposely walking a line of temptation for some time, seeing how far I could go without going all the way. Seeing what I could get by with. I did that for years of my Christian walk. One thing I learned by doing that. I cannot follow God by seeing how far away from Him I can be while still not falling into hell. That is not following. It is evil and dangerous. Maybe not in you, but it was in me. Oh, God, redeem me!
Today I walked around the wall like Nehemiah did. When Nehemiah heard about the wall, he became really sad. I am mostly sad because of the state of the wall. The wall was so bad, there wasn’t room for my donkey to walk either. My donkey sat down for awhile, then walked away shaking its head. Maybe that is just what I did. Hate to blame things on animals. Next week I am planning on walking around the wall again.
When I learn about the wall, I have to decide whether I want to make the sacrifice to do something about the wall. Am I going to focus on Jesus and follow Him and go when He says go or will I waiver and quit. Pray I keep my eyes fully focused on Jesus. Love for all.
The interesting thing about all this is for some reason today I am embracing the Word, all the hard parts of the Word. After seeing the wall, it is like I came home and said, “God, for the rest of the day I am just going to soak in all the hardest parts of all the hardest things you have to say.” Maybe it is so I get perspective. Part of it is to realize someone out there is calling me back to doing hard things.
I had a friend who used to tell me, “Go do hard things!” Yes, Laura, go do hard things! In God’s timing, like Nehemiah with wisdom. Go do hard things!
God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way. – Matthew 5:11-12