This morning I sat in my chair and contemplated my next breakthrough. I don’t know if breakthrough is the right word, but I know what I have to work through next to grow. I thought of the two pain points in my past that I have never been able to “deal” with – never been able to break through. I asked God to show me how I might. I know feeling the emotions of those experiences would transform me. It is that when I think of them, I know they changed my life, I was going to say forever, but Jesus stepped in and does the true changing forever.
I couldn’t sum up any emotion about them in my quiet time. I tried to put names on the feelings from those experiences. I really couldn’t. I couldn’t really feel anything. I know those were the times I shut down. Those were the times I shut out ever letting anyone in, but I couldn’t feel what I felt then. It was like I could only see the memory from the outside and not as the person who lived through it.
I decided on my way to church this morning that I could try talking about it in open share. It actually helped a little. In the morning I couldn’t even tell my apartment about it. The emotions are breaking open a little bit though because I almost started crying as I typed this.
Otherwise, it was a day of breakthrough and connection. I am getting more and more emotional now. I guess my praying for God to open the flood gates of trapped emotion about these events may work. Today was truly phenomenal.
But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. – Romans 5:20-21