I had a really good day today. I must say I am a little bit screwed up. Broken. I am thinking about my next weekly article. I am not sure what to think of my thoughts or my thought process. Today I decided if… yeah, that might come off wrong if someone actually reads my daily journal. I better share that in person when I can explain or later after I have thought about it more.
I am busy processing emotions, so I can give them more to God. I do not want to stuff them; I want to surrender them. Such a different act. One rejects that I feel them; the other admits it and with many tears surrenders my heart to Christ. Surrendering to Christ is not easy, but it is always worth it. Dying to self could never be pleasant. Otherwise it would not be dying.
I dug up an old spiritual warfare prayer I used to pray during my first round of counseling. “Heavenly Father, I surrender myself completely and unreservedly in every area of my life to You.” Just one brief line of a two-page, single-spaced prayer. I think I want to start praying it again. I have this belief that I should pray prayers that are natural and in the moment and not read off a paper and memorized. I should talk to God like I would a loving human relationship; but honestly, I don’t always think of all the true things I would like to say to Him right after waking up. Sometimes I forget to decide not to believe my feelings before I am already believing them. It might be good to remember not to believe them in advance.
My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.– Romans 15:7