Today is a day beyond words and beyond blogs. I have no idea even what to say because I would like to go to bed really soon. It was a very emotional day as I processed thoughts and dreams. People cut me down for having dreams. Some people build me up. Generally, these people cannot be predicted. Bring up same-sex attraction and expect a host of responses. It’s a fun world.
But I was freer than I was yesterday morning by far. I stopped by the church office three times today for reasons I could have all gotten out of. The stop was different than the other stops I have been making excuses to make. Other stops were made to do things while I tried to get used to people. These were made to engage people. Well, the last one I actually had something to do, but I ended up engaging someone instead. It was so much better.
I was talking to a close friend today. I told her things about my past and present and future that I hadn’t ever quite shared on that level about SSA (same-sex attraction). She said I better stick real close to Jesus. Yes, I told her. I am sitting tight up against the cab of the truck. No tailgate for me. (And if you don’t know what that means you are going to have to read a few months back here. I can’t explain it tonight. Zzzz.)
Today I walked through the richest part of the area where I have always felt discontent, and I felt nothing. Nothing except contentment. No resentment. No envy. No scorn. God is doing a great work. I am so glad. I used to say God has to do a great work in us to do a great work through us. Still true, I suppose. Work away, God, I am apparently here to be refined.
I was asked by a nonChristian today several theological questions. It is always fun to try to explain various branches of theology to someone who does not believe any of them. By the time we finished the conversation, I was led to a question to think about, “Why do I do good works?” Because I am a follower of Jesus and that is where He is leading me??? Tough one.
And step study started tonight, so I am dropping from step 4 back to step 1. Yeah, God, out of denial with me!!
Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. – John 15:4