Honestly, I was tired beyond belief most of the day. I had a friend emergency part of the day. Then I went to a Bible study/evening of worship this evening. It was good to just take a few hours to praise God. It seemed the whole goal of the evening was to praise Jesus. I had a really hard time doing it half the evening. I was too busy in my head trying to fix my own problems.
God, I am tired. Thank you, Jesus. Are you going to make me feel better tonight? I need to keep this together. I need some strength…
I am definitely living beyond myself. I have in some way, shape or form been living beyond myself for the last ten years. Actually, nine and a half years. I guess in the words from one of my mentors back in the day, “Once you can no longer touch the bottom, it doesn’t matter how deep the water is.” Sometimes it does seem like it does a little though because I do have a fear factor, which is a little greater when the water is deeper. But if my eyes were on Jesus, then I wouldn’t notice how deep the water was. Tonight I had a really hard time focusing on Jesus even if the only thing I had to do with my time for two hours was to praise Him. In the end, I managed to focus on Him for a time, and I came home more rested than I left.
I am continuing on my step study questions, praying God will reveal to me areas of my life where I have to step out of denial. I cannot continue to grow if I do not find the areas I need to grow in. I know I want to grow in selflessness and generosity. I always think of myself first at the store, and I often think of myself first when it comes to my time also. These are areas I want to work on. Especially the generosity. I want to grow in being generous in small ways throughout my week. The $1 or $2 ways that only take thinking of someone’s favorite snack in a store or sending a card or bringing a snack somewhere. I want to be generous daily.
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. – Matthew 6:24-34