I had a peculiar experience today. I went shopping for brand new clothes for the first time in a store other than a dollar store in at least three years. I know I did buy some socks from Target about three years ago and a few yoga pants from Old Navy about 4 years ago; but outside of that, it has been Goodwill and the Dollar Store for me. Shoes have come through gift money, and I haven’t even had to shop for a new pair of them in well over a year.
Anyways, about the shopping trip. I felt quite conspicuous as I walked into the first department store. The guard/lady at the door greeted me politely, which made me feel even weirder. I felt quite out of place and was surprised that she couldn’t tell that I didn’t belong in the store. I made my way to the section of the store, which sold things Goodwill doesn’t. Eventually, throughout my trip to the mall, I learned one thing. Lots of things have changed in the last four years, but one thing hasn’t. I hate shopping in malls just as much now as I used to. Something about the combination of smells and sounds just makes me feel sickish. Something else is the same. Being in a mall doesn’t really make me want what I don’t have. It just makes me a little dizzy that I would have so many choices if I had the money to buy anything beyond what had at this point become nearly an absolute necessity.
At one point I saw a beautiful outfit in Macy’s. I meanderingly thought to myself that even if I had the $90, it would make more sense to buy something much cheaper, and send the remainder to the proverbial starving orphan in Africa. As I left the place, I considered that even if I had millions of dollars, I was pretty sure I would hate malls and shopping just as much.
In any case, the weird part about the day was the sensation I had that I didn’t belong or deserve to be in a place where I would be buying new things. I am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing that I felt so out of my element. There is nothing at all wrong with buying new things. It just has entirely slipped from my value system. Even being in the mall for so long and walking past what used to be my favorite stores, stirred no desire in me to have the wealth to buy their wares. I’ll shop at Goodwill as long as the good Lord allows. For some odd reason, I prefer it.
Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation, since they will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls, and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way the rich will fade away, even while they go about their business. James 1