Saturday – 12:42 am
My life is not boring. It is definitely not boring. Following God is definitely not boring. I ran away from consciously choosing to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control for years because I thought I would be doomed to a life of boredom. Following God is definitely not boring.
Although to be fair. Neither was not following God. Not following God was just unboring because it was so miserable. I was so busy being miserable there was no chance for boredom. Making the same poor choices over and over again and expecting different results was really entertaining. Incredibly painful, pointless and miserable, but definitely entertaining. Entertaining as in unboring, not as in fun.
When I first started to have peace in my life, I was bored. I remember having to learn how to be okay with not having a crisis. Odd, I do not live in crisis anymore, yet there is definitely always something going on in my recovery.
Today I was very tired most of the day, so I took time to rest before going to CR. It was a really good decision. My brain is still highly functional. So nice compared to recent Friday nights. I had such peace and presence of mind the whole time. It was needed and amazing.
Someone told me recently God is way more passionate about my ministry than I am. It was extremely helpful and disturbingly revealing about my own personal view of God. I do not think I have ever seen God as an evangelist, which is weird. I do not mean as an actual one, but as passionate about evangelism. Which is weird. The not seeing God that way part not the God being passionate part. He died, so evangelism could exist.
I decided God is also more passionate about my recovery than I am. My brain is freezing over, and my worldview is shifting.
The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. – 2 Peter 3:9