Today was really good. I actually never had that much anxiety. My counselor and lots of wonderful people in my life are helping me face the truth in some tough areas of my life. The truth is really good, so it is nice to step into truth, except that means that there is anxiety along the way. Anxiety and anger. I am grieving the hyper-independent do-it-yourself’er that I used to be. I have been grieving her anyway. Today I seemed quite glad she was dying, but I have been struggling with anger over “failing” and choosing relationship instead. It is like my old nature gets angry that I am succumbing to love. Perfect love drives out fear, and I am experiencing that and it is awesome!
He has sent me to… provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. – Isaiah 61:1-3