Trying to remember my whole eventful day… it started with me just bawling in quiet time with God. Anger, bitterness and pain are best dealt with with Him. I find it real odd I am so hung up on certain things right now. I believe I am moving forward in my ability to connect with my feelings and actually have more and more ability to truly connect with people. But this part of the journey doesn’t make sense to me.
Over the course of my life, I have not been an angry, bitter person, I don’t think. So I don’t know where this is all coming from. Maybe I have been repressing it? I know one thing. I want to get rid of it! Still wish I could just vomit it out! Still wish I had an easy way to know how to get rid of bitterness, anger and rage. I don’t feel any of them right now. Before I started journaling, I definitely didn’t. But I do feel a pain in my heart as I write this and think about these things. I know from a purely scientific standpoint (and CR process also), I have to experience the pain to release it. Maybe I still just have a lot of pain in me. I am so tired of hurting.
I did have an amazing time writing today. I am a few pages away from my goal for the week. I should get that out of the way tomorrow. I am so excited to see this coming together.
I was once again challenged by the concept of worship today. In my quiet time, I tried my best to just be with Him, to just bring Him myself. It is so hard. I keep asking Him for things instead – like removal of my bitterness. Maybe I wouldn’t be bitter if I could manage to focus on Jesus!
Well, that is me really. One more step study complete. Here is to the next one!
“In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. – Ephesians 4:26-27