My counselor is working on teaching me something. It all begins with the concept of disconnection. I know it is a bit of a disconnected word, which is why I have not attempted to talk about it here. It is a big task for my emotional brain to try to tell you what I believe she means without completely making a mess out of things. But it does have something to do with what most people term rejection. Apparently, when we humans feel disconnected, we do everything within our subconscious power to amend the disconnection.
This evening I felt quite disconnected. Now that I am aware this is a thing and there are ways we subconsciously respond, I took action. I decided since I apparently was merely feeling disconnected from my world because I had made a mild mistake at one of my jobs due to a miscommunication which was my fault, I should simply connect with my world. So I sent a friend a text and told her my disconnected story; and yes, all I was doing was reaching out for love. It helped a little. It helped more when I began to process forgiving myself for the mistake and cleared up the misunderstanding.
Most of today was very pleasant. I did not read Philippians because it is Saturday so I read Numbers instead. I was not highly impressed with the book. I think I like Leviticus better, which really surprised me. I am planning on reading Philippians everyday for the next month or so. Maybe it will sink in through my thick skull.
I continued to be grateful today for the life God has given me. God has blessed me so much. I stand in amazement at how I have changed. Seeing my friend last night still is making me think. Odd to be such a different person. Four short years, and my life is entirely different. My goals are incredibly different. My heart is entirely changed. I can’t wait for it to keep changing. God is incredible.
Now I am off to read Philippians (hopefully) and go to bed. It is super late (9:30) and I have been falling asleep for the last hour.
So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession. – James 1:16-18