I had a brilliant plan for my day. Then I received a text, rolled over in my bed and ignored it. By the time I decided to wake up, it was 7:55. The text message was wondering if I could fill in for someone who was sick in children’s ministry. Now the ideal time to be at church is 8:00 and I was 20 minutes away. I decided the best answer was “Yes, I could help but I wouldn’t be there until 8:30”.
Now the nicest part about this is I managed to prove to myself I can wake up, shower, eat breakfast, leave a dog out and make myself presentable in 17 minutes flat. Then I can run on my way to make up for the two minutes too long I took to get ready and accidentally arrive two minutes early. This random story is only to say God’s plan for my day was a whole lot more fun than mine.
I have been having pretty crappy dreams again lately, which is more than mildly annoying. I was having them this morning when I finally decided to wake up. It was kind of tough to go from the dreams to seeing people without God time. Well, I talked to Him a lot as I walked and ran, I just did not get any time in His Word or time to really quiet my mind.
I blame feeling super vulnerable this morning on a lack of time with Him. I was not prepared to deal with men at all and found myself avoiding them for the first couple hours, but eventually I settled into the experience and overall enjoyed myself immensely.
I may also have been feeling really vulnerable and touchy today on account of all the questions I have been having to answer at CR and in step study. I did this week’s questions last night. They make me squirm when I look at the questions and answers. I do not like feeling this vulnerable. It makes me jumpy and touchy and scared. Very, very scared. Week 3 is rough. Sure glad God is on my side.
Overall, I feel like today is a win because I did it with my walls down at least partly. I did it while feeling vulnerable and open instead of ensuring no one could get past my exterior. I did it very, very afraid. Though I suppose in honesty for the most part I did it really, really clumsily and sometimes while obviously running; but hey, I survived it. And I felt things in the moment instead of saving them for later. That is a win. Raw, that is the word. When I feel this vulnerable, everything feels raw and scary. Really, really scary.
This is what the LORD says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” – Jeremiah 29:10-14
Comments