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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Worth it in the Long Run

This morning, it was -8 in the wind chill. This evening, well, it was still cold. As I came out of the grocery store, a man who said he was homeless was begging. As I walked away, I wondered if I had given him money if I would have cared even knowing it was going to drugs. If I was outside living in this cold, I would want to be high right now, too. Brrr.

I have been thinking a lot about Relapse this week because it is the lesson on Friday night. I have also been tired of some of the things going on in my life. Tired of nightmares. Tired of fighting. Tired of standing up for what I believe is true.

As I studied the CR book tonight, I came across the chapter on “The Seven Reasons We Get Stuck.” I am not relapsing, but I am a bit stuck in CR terms. I am afraid of the risk of making the necessary changes. I am afraid of intimacy. I am resisting embracing my future on account of the unknown. I am struggling to forgive people.

I am thankful I am not alone in my feelings of wanting to quit. I do not actually want to quit. I want all the rewards of going through all the hard stuff on the way to the awesome stuff. If I think about the next six months, it seems so hard and I want to quit. When I think about the next 60 years, I want to keep going because I know it will be worth it. I want to change, so I can be used to change other people. I want to learn to be loved, so I can love other people. I want to keep going even if it the current part of my journey seems unreasonably hard. Why did not God tell me it would be unreasonably hard? I suppose so I would not quit before I started! I will go on then, knowing….

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. – James 1:12

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