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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

With Him

God is so good! Pleasant change after my sick and tired statuses from the last week, huh? Well, in all fairness, I am still sick and tired. I barely slept last night because of coughing and being unable to fall asleep because I could not breathe. But tonight God is faithful. Tonight it feels like God is faithful. He has always been faithful. There have been times in the last almost ten years where I was sure He had abandoned or betrayed me.

In fact I have been thinking a lot about step 1 because we are teaching that in large group. Somehow I was thinking about idols. See, the problem for about three years of my Christian walk is that I was trying to get God to support my idol. It sounded like this: I am going to worship this instead of You, and I would like You to supply me with everything I need to worship it in uninhibited fashion.

Moreover, I am convinced there is no one more miserable than a Christian under conviction.

I have been thinking of the what if’s. What if I don’t actually think He is worth giving everything for? It has struck me in the last day or so that we have to give up everything to know Him. Common phraseology in modern worship music. Our experience of Him will match what we sacrifice to Him.

I have also been thinking about how He does invite us to go on the mission WITH Him not FOR Him. But within that, I am glad He is worthy of all of my worship and adoration. He is worthy I live the rest of my FOR Him. He has invited me to do life with Him, but He is more than worthy of the “for Him”.

I have also been thinking lately about why it might be that the people growing the quickest or living the most for Him, might be the ones with the most violent, argumentative, tear-inducing conversation with God. I think it is because they are counting the cost and the cost is great. Worth it, but everything is everything. Someday I want to give Him everything.

“But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you. They would say, ‘There’s the person who started that building and couldn’t afford to finish it!’ Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him? And if he can’t, he will send a delegation to discuss terms of peace while the enemy is still far away. So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own. – Luke 14:28-33

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