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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Why wouldn’t I serve Him?

On my way home from small group tonight, I was sure the first words I would write here were that I felt like God was just smiling at me right now. Like He liked me. But by the time I actually arrived home, I just feel like going to sleep.

I arrived at a pretty sweet place today. I am content being right where I am. I cannot currently think of one area of my life in which I have any idea of how it will turn out or maybe more accurately how it will come about. I have very little to no control over any part of my life. But the beauty of it is for the last 10 hours, I have been okay with it.

As I said on Friday, I decided to begin doubling my time with God in the morning. This morning when I reached the amount of time I used to spend with God, I felt pretty good. I decided it probably was not necessary to always spend so much time with God. It was only necessary on the days when I really needed it. Today I had lots of emails to send before work. I could just have time with God at work instead of sending emails while my babies were sleeping.

Well, that was a bad decision. By the time I finished the emails, I had so much anxiety I decided to spend some time with God before I went to work so I could enjoy my day. I also then focused on praying on my way to work, so my day could turn around.

My pride is very annoyed that I need so much time with God to not be an anxiety attack waiting to happen. I think it must be really insulting to God for me to always be trying to get out of spending time alone with Him. Can you imagine the same interaction in a relationship with a human? “Why do I have to spend so much time with you to be happy? It doesn’t make sense. Can I go now? Really I have work to do. I could make you a gift when I am at work. Are we done yet? Can I go now? Can I multitask? Is there a reason I need to sit and just talk to you? You know the dishes are waiting. Why do you want me to talk to you now and when I am doing the dishes? I could be doing the dishes now. It would be more efficient….”

I think that makes me an insulting whiny brat. I mean all my power, all my peace, all my hope, all my everything comes from God. Why wouldn’t I serve Him? Why wouldn’t I talk to Him? Why wouldn’t I want to spend my entire existence with the Power that is so powerful It called me into existence?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

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