I think I am going to start writing again. I don’t know what I have to say for this blog. I certainly have a lot I would like to say in a book. I have many books I would love to write, but right now I feel like I am so filled with words that I cannot sort through what to say and how to say it. I figure maybe I should write some of my words out in this less threatening, lower-stakes environment.
The last few years of my life have been absolutely incredible. What?! 2020, incredible? Well, there sure were some hard things to deal with, but they were incredible. I became more of the best version of myself than I have ever been; and in the midst of all that adversity, God refined me like gold and even blessed me radically financially. Financial prosperity in 2020 is not a part of everyone’s story, but I am grateful for the unemployment checks that led to a prosperous year for myself.
I didn’t make all good decisions since you heard from me last. In fact, some of them were pretty bad. Have you ever taken on so much work that you treat the people around you like crap because you are so stressed out? That’s a part of my story these last few years. It makes me sad because the people who took the short end of the stick were the children in my life. And isn’t that the way life usually is? We treat the people around us who are least able to protect themselves from us the worst in our stress, anxiety, or pain. We take for granted that those closest to us will put up with the worst of us. Undoubtedly, that is the reason for the many repetitions by Jesus that the least will be the greatest and the greatest the least. Undoubtedly, it is the reason for a seemingly upside-down kingdom of God. We need to live to protect those who are weakest among ourselves. I am glad I have repented; but I still see the habits of a short-temper or suspicious mind in my actions. I have learned that one can get in the habit of expecting the unexpected action of a child to be wrong before even investigating what they are actually doing. That needs to change in me.
I have so much more I could say; but if I said it all, this page might end up longer than all my other posts combined. I think I am going go back to a form of journaling I found in one of my journals in 2009. Then I would write out a Bible verse and then observe three things it revealed about God. After that I would write down three things that this revelation about God revealed about me and who I was. I reckon I will start tonight.
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