So weird. I was just reading over the posts from March when I was in my last step study and answering the same questions I am now. I cannot even recognize that person. Odd since I am still bleeding all over the place in my life, especially at church. BUT the emotions are so different. One of the lines I had written was “I am afraid of being free because of the unknown.” When I read it this time I thought, “Well, that was dumb.” Yeah, I should respect myself more! Feelings are not dumb, not dumb at all. But my next thought was, “Freedom is awesome. Why was I scared of this? It is so much easier.” But I did not know it.
Easier is sort of relative. Since I decided to trust people with my emotions, I have gotten into moods. I have snapped at people. Well, at least one person. The awkward thing about all this is learning how to deal with my emotions when I am thirty. I don’t know how to process and get over things. I don’t know how to deal like an adult would.
In church this morning I had some really disturbing revelations. I don’t even know what to do with them. They are not good. Process, process, process. I am not where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I once was.
And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. – 2 Corinthians 3:18
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