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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Unhealthy equilibrium

I have been thinking this evening about why CR is such a staple in my life. Why can’t I even manage life without it? If it has helped me so much, why do I still have to go to counseling and why does that help so much? Then I had a weird realization. Counseling has helped me, but it was entirely in CR where I found sobriety. The 12 steps and following God brought me sobriety during many of the months when I was not in heavy counseling at all. Counseling may be taking my emotional healing to another level, but CR keeps me sober.

I just read the Song of Songs (Solomon). That is a weird book of the Bible and not because it has to do with sex. Her hair is like a flock of goats? They must have been really good-looking goats! And ones without a billy around to stink them up, too! Teeth like a flock of sheep. Yeah, this guy should have compared her to flowers or something.

I had counseling this morning. I had a major breakthrough. Two actually. One about the pressure I am putting on myself. My homework for the week is to figure out what function the pressure plays in my life. What equilibrium is it keeping? Apparently such things help us create an unhealthy balance in our lives.

The other breakthrough is more personal. But basically she said to me, “That must be really painful.” The interesting part is it took me several hours to think back and realize I was feeling pain during a whole different time than the cause of the pain. I am really tired right now, and I do not know if that makes sense. I cannot give you the specific scenario on here, but I found it interesting that I so turned off my emotions because it was an expected pain so I seem to try to quit feeling it. Or something like that.

I better go to bed!

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. – Song of Solomon 8:4

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