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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

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I did rest today. Sufficiently presumably. Only I am still really tired and coughing. I have tomorrow off, too. Is it possible to get tireder the more one rests?

I was thinking about my options in life today. They are a bit odd right now. Commitment is weird that way. Occasionally I wonder if I am over-committed. I do wonder about my sanity some days. Either there is a God and I serve Him, or I am a lunatic. I’d say at least I would be a happy lunatic, but you would probably not believe it after the last few weeks. Maybe a contented lunatic.

I faced another fear today. It must be getting to be my thing to do on Mondays. Bring the week in with a bang. Most of the day was pretty quiet, but right now I feel really vulnerable and sad. I am about to say goodbye to a chapter of my life I really loved. I have no idea what the future holds. I just know at this point change is inevitable, and I hate it.

I hate all the things I am thinking about right now. I hate being the “wounded one”. I hate being the girl with the problems. I hate being the girl with the past. I hate that I carry it around with me wherever I go. But man, do I love the people who are in the fight with me! They are the best people I have ever met. The most real. I do not want to face tomorrow. I certainly do not want to move on. For perhaps the very first time in my life, I want it to be yesterday instead of tomorrow. To go back in time to this very sweetest part of my life. The first I would be willing to relive.

Goodbye, Past. Hello, Future! Can you look like yesterday?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11


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