Trying

Between yesterday and today I have really been struggling. Too many things for me to think about have come up into my life all at one time. I have been struggling to not shut down emotionally.

In fact, yesterday I spent a few hours working at a library. I stayed as long as possible because it was raining and I had some down time between the library closing and my babysitting job and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. When I left the library literally a minute before closing, the kind old man told me the Sunday hours. He said I was more than welcome to come back tomorrow if I needed a place to escape. That is when I knew I best quit brooding and being sad, strangers were beginning to think my life was falling apart. Sometimes when I am thinking too hard people worry about me. Apparently disturbing thoughts make my face look disturbing.

I am really having a hard time living in the present and being excited today because I am processing part of my past. I have a hard time shaking it off after quiet time and picking up the conversation with God again the next time I am alone with Him. I hate that because I feel like it gets in the way of relationships.

I understand why I had some of my fear factors again today because of the part of my past I have been working through, but it frustrates me that it always affects my current relationships. A day like today makes me feel like I am going backwards. I hate that.

I have been considering that when it comes to the gospel a half truth is a whole lie. Well, in CR terms, everything that is not honest is dishonest; there are only two options. True. Not true.

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. – 2 Corinthians 7:10