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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Troubled in spirit

Today has been a very troubling day. I woke up troubled in spirit. I am troubled in spirit now. I have been troubled in spirit throughout the day. I did realize at some point through a conversation I had with one of my (spiritual and thus truest) sisters that some of the troubled spirit is coming from me not wanting following Jesus to be so hard. I didn’t know when I signed up to let Him take full control that He would entrust me with so much. I never knew it would be so hard. I never knew it would be so full of disappointment, yet always the surprise of knowing Him more in the disappointment than I ever knew Him had I not been disappointment. I also realize that I never knew the sacrifice I was making when I decided to follow Him into spending X time with Him each day. X time is the amount of time I need with Him to actually live an effective life. I think one of the key things about this time is that it is enough time that it makes Him the loudest voice in my life. He remains louder than all the others when I have X time. X time is both the best and most dangerous decision that I have ever made. I never knew I could actually become a warrior in His kingdom. I never knew my life could actually change others.

The kingdom of God is among and within us.

Now my soul is troubled and what shall I say? “Father, save me from this hour”? No, it was for this very reason that I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name! John 12

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