Tough

I was emotionally wiped out most of the day. So wiped out in fact that I tried valiantly to find something to work on that was not emotionally charged, so I could actually accomplish something. I discovered this afternoon that everything I have to work on takes loads of emotion. No wonder I am struggling the last few weeks. As always the homeless shelter entirely renewed me.

I worked on my inventory today in my breaks from working. I did manage to almost take x time today. I have decided to quit calling quiet time “quiet time”. I think I am going to rename it connection time. To remind me it is all about connecting with God. It really makes little difference how quiet it is.

While working on my inventory, I read through my inventory notebook, which is interspersed with journaling and letters to people who were in my inventory. Wow! I had some pretty strong negative emotions trapped inside of me! It is really tempting to burn the notebook or at least pages out of it. I had myself a good laugh thinking about how much I have grown in the last couple months; but goodness, I would hate anyone to read that and know I wrote it. The emotions I released were so strong that when reading over the journal entries, I could only think that anyone but myself would think the person writing them was plain evil. I cannot believe I wrote that all down, but processing that emotion is what helped me release it.

I am thankful my life isn’t boring. I really am. I have decided love is the stubborn tenacity to be “for” someone no matter what and “Let whosoever is bored decide to follow Jesus and he shall never be bored again!”. A really tough, good day.

“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ‘A slave is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you.” – John 15:18-20