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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Too tired

I am extremely exhausted. I am not sure I will ever catch up in emotional rest. It does not feel like it is possible right now. Okay, I am being way over dramatic; but I am tired. God is providing and changing lives. I am quite grateful for that! Really grateful. There are some issues in my life right now. I am glad I get to talk to my counselor tomorrow.

The first is I am worried about never actually forgiving. What if I just think I have? There is this lie in my brain that says, “What if forgiving really does mean living a codependent life in which I am enslaved to certain people?” I am having a hard time working through that emotionally right now. It is starting to eat at me a little bit.

I am thinking about what else to say. I am remembering the question this blog started with so long ago, “If someone was thinking about going through step study, what would they need to know about my day that would help them?”

Sometimes you are going to really, really screw up. If you get as far in the recovery process as me, you are going to be having a lot of vulnerability in your life. Some days will be like today for me. My brain seems to have quit processing and gone a bit foggy. I am hoping to catch up tomorrow on some less vulnerable time to just enjoy life. Hurray!

Also sometimes I slip up and gossip. Sometimes I am not all I could be in Christ because I get too tired because I quit having X time. I have only quit since Sunday. I am a wimp when it comes to not spending enough time with God. I need to get better at it.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. –  Matthew 18:21-22

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