I am absolutely exhausted tonight. Exhausted beyond beef. Too tired to see straight. However, you want to say it, I am ready for sleep! I babysat for 11 hours today. Then was at CR for 5 hours. I guess I have a reason to be tired!
I have been really looking forward to taking my babysitting babies to the park this summer and spending time outdoors instead of indoors. It was so amazing. (My neighbors are drunk and singing. It is interesting.)
I do not know how to share what else I processed today, but know this I am really excited to walk through learning transparency in relationships with people I care about most. I really struggle with this with men. Sometimes it almost seems that the more I care about one, the more my walls go up.
But my walls are coming down, right? I think so. I hope so. It feels like it a little bit for me. The exciting part about today for me is I am starting (very slowly) to make decisions based on whether other people will feel loved instead of how I feel or how I want to protect myself. At least this has come into the conversation now.
I am trying to lean into the discomfort of transparency, but it is hard. I find myself naturally wanting to run away from it. Okay, I am nodding as I write. I will discuss this tomorrow.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”– Jeremiah 29:11