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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Times of refreshing

I need to learn to be kinder to myself. I am really tired. My plans for this week mostly include working and resting. No extra curricular writing going on. Just relaxing and refreshing spiritually, mentally and emotionally. In spite of that being my personal expectation for the week, I had a really hard time resting today. It is really hard to relax and rest. I had a hard time not giving myself a guilt trip over it.

Last week I planned on resting and doing nothing today. Taking a day off as a reward for hard work and as a way to renew so I could actually accomplish something later in the month. Still I fought to be able to rest today.

I was quite emotionally unstable this morning. Too exhausted to actually process anything. The bit of brainless computer work I had to do was perfect for my ability to function. Then one of my friends told me to take a nap, and I used that as the incentive I needed to get myself to rest. I took a really long nap and woke up at least somewhat functional.

I would be lying if I said it felt like following Jesus felt worth it. I know it is intellectually. Following Him is what has truly brought me peace. I would not leave my life for anything, but I have hit an emotional bump in the road. I am too tired to continue and too stubborn to quit. But stubborn is not the right word. I simply have nowhere else to go and nothing else to do. Make a million dollars? Why? Jesus told me to give it all away anyway and that is where I have found my peace.

So I will pray that this week He will renew my spirit and I will be able to get back up again. I will be able to begin pouring into ministry again. Right now I am too tired to do anything new or improvement oriented. I am too tired to raise someone up to help me. I am too tired to do anything except rest.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

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