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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Time for change

I went to counseling this morning. Usually I go there a bit wound up and come away a bit wound down. Today it was the opposite way. After I got home, I had a really hard time concentrating on writing. I think I could use two counseling sessions a week right now. The idea of waiting until next Wednesday is hard.

Today in my unCR church small group, one of the discussion questions was about what the most beautiful promise of God was in our life and where had He promised it?

I thought of some of the things I believe He has promised me outside of the Bible. When I placed those things next to what He has promised me inside of the Bible, they seemed like ashes. What is in the Bible is so eternal. So many of those other promises in my life are not.

My counselor has been teaching me a way of thinking to help me deal with rejection in relationship – with people rejecting me in relationships. A way of being aware of what is actually happening while it happens, and acting on that. I have found it interesting in that while at this point in counseling, we are working on me learning to recognize relational behaviors and how they make me feel (specifically hurt), I have started to notice the same type of feeling and dynamic in the relationship when I hurt the other person. Even when I hurt them unintentionally with defense mechanisms. But then, let’s face it, the people hurting me are hurting me because of their defense mechanisms as well, so not much difference there. It is helping me take personal responsibility for my actions and defense mechanisms. I am not at the point where I am able to change them yet, but at least I am aware there is a need to change.

Right now I am feeling an overwhelming love for people who are on the list of people I am working on forgiving. It is a good feeling.

I broke my fast this morning. That was awesome. And sad. I still feel like I am fasting.

And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. – Luke 6:41-42

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