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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Thinking hard

I accidentally spilled water on my computer, it is acting up and I am stressing out! Entirely unrecovery related except the financial questions I am trying to answer in my head about how I would come up with enough money to by another Mac. Dear Mac, be ageless. Please don’t have a Mac attack.

Today was supposed to be my sabbath. It was really a fake sabbath. I did all my laundry and I worked for three hours (at a party). I read two books – relaxing and good, but both about personal growth in my ministry roles.

But the real reason it wasn’t a sabbath had less to do with the physical part of my day than it did with the mental. I thought all day long. I thought so hard this morning I gave myself a headache. I am stepping into ministry roles where I get to do a lot of critical thinking. It has been over three years since I have had a job with so much creative critical thinking. I think I missed it, so I am over doing it. I am going to have to learn to take a “thought sabbath” from brainstorming and analyzing. The silly part is I refused to write down what I was thinking because I wasn’t supposed to be thinking, so now I will have to rethink it all.

I was advised by my counselor on Monday to begin counseling more regularly again because of what is happening in my life. Yesterday and today made it entirely clear to me she is 100% correct. Come September, I am definitely going from a session every 4-6 weeks to once a week or every other week. I need someone to help me walk through this life.

I struggled today with being afraid of change and making decisions and becoming unwilling to remake decisions when new info is presented to me. I even was afraid of becoming unteachable. The last one might seem like a good one, but I think it really just means I tend to live in fear and anxiety.

Now I am going to bed because tomorrow is Sunday, but it isn’t my sabbath!

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. – I Peter 5:7

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