Today I had a very nice day. I woke up. I had not had a nightmare. “Never Once” was playing with delightful repetition in my head. Sometimes music in my head is better. I can choose which musical instruments to keep and which ones to kick out of the band.
Lately when we have sung “Never Once” at church, I am sad. Not because I feel like God has ever left me walk alone, but because I have not felt like I have been on a mountaintop looking back in a very long time. I have felt much more like I am walking into some sort of valley.
When I was a kid, Pilgrim’s Progress was one of my favorite books. When I look back, I feel like the pictures of Christian in the book in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. There is quagmire on one side of the path and a pit full of demons on the other. He just has this narrow way to walk. It’s dark and treacherous. It’s night, and it sucks. Okay, the demons might have been on both sides. It has been years since I have read it. I might be making up the quagmire. No, actually I think the demons were in the quagmire like mocking him on both sides of the ditch. Clearly, it is time to reread the book.
But this morning was different; I did feel like I was on a mountaintop. It felt awesome to feel like some sort of progress had been made in my life. Well, I more felt I was on a mountainside than the top. Because I knew when I turned to look forward again, there would be more hill to climb. But it was awesome to feel like I had climbed some already.
The day continued with boring awesomeness. I actually managed to just trust God with my insecurity a time or two. Maybe sometime in the next 34ish days, I will actually become a woman who is secure in God’s love. Or maybe the next 34 years, but days would be nice.
Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. – John 15:4
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