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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

The rebound

I just decided to keep being optimistic today. I had a really good talk with a friend. I kept researching agents, and I babysat. I did get scared once today, but overall, I think I am making progress. One more day and I will have an appointment set up with my new counselor. I am trying my best to remain step-one humble and reach out for help. It is a bit hard for someone who has always tried to be so competent to be incompetent. But I have learned one thing in this process: the people around me love me – not just with their words but with their actions.

We are working on the crossroads lesson in my Thursday step study. I guess they figured out that step 10 can be discouraging. Recording what you did good and what you did bad each night can be really disturbing when one first begins. At least it was for me. So they begin the lesson with asking how we have changed since we began recovery. It is absolutely amazing how encouraging that question was to me.

Over two years at CR, I have too many changes to fit in the space provided in the book. I look people in the eye. I don’t drink. I don’t watch porn. I don’t do habits that come with those two things. I almost don’t gossip. I most often go to God before going to people (especially the ones who try to fix me). I talk to people I am mad at instead of becoming passive aggressive. The list goes on…

The change I am enjoying most right now is one that was made in the process of obeying God in all those external things. I used to be so afraid of following Him. I would sit and shake and pray in the middle of my day. Today I confidently declared to my friend, “God is not going to drop me now. I have been here over two and a half years. He has never dropped me. He isn’t going to drop me now.” That is the change I like most. I have started to believe Him. Two days ago I was reeling in unbelief; but I am emotionally sober again and I believe I know what God has asked me to do. So I am going to do that and trust God to pay my bills.

If my God is for me, who could ever stop me?

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6

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