Today was a very good day. An odd sort of day off because I worked most of it. Not on the money kind of work. More on the things that have to be done to live kind of work. Nonetheless it was very pleasant. I am ready to let go of the control my manifold __________’s have over me and begin being controlled by His Spirit. Did I tell you yesterday that I had a revelation that I will never have enough energy until I let the fruit of all my labor up to God instead of worrying about it and trying to control it?
Right now it reminds me of the conversation God had with me a few months ago about leading like a little child. To live following His Spirit and letting all the results up to God would be leading like a very little child. Only a very little child could trust that much.
If I manage to continue giving myself my birthday present to me, I will have a very good year! It is so pleasant to be grounded throughout the day because I have not skimped on my time with God. It makes for an entirely different sort of life. One I want, but do not feel like I deserve.
Often I am actually afraid of what I think of me not what people think of me. I think that is what I mean to say. Often what I think people think of me is what I think of me. Sometimes it is what they think of me, but oddly I think I am less afraid of the things I know people think of me than I am of the things I think people think of me. Sometimes the things I know people think are worse than the ones I think they think, too. It’s a weird world I live in, especially the part of it that is within a half a square foot of myself.
I read the story of David and Goliath tonight. I love it when I read something as if for the first time. When something so old seems fresh. “You come against me with your carnal weapons, but I come against you in the name of Jesus!” That is the way I read it anyhow! Now I am off to bed because tomorrow I am a mighty warrior in a battle.
David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.” – I Samuel 17:45-47