top of page
  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Tears of Gratitude and Regret

Have you ever had that feeling where your heart is so full it could burst? The last few days I felt like crying not because I am sad but because I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am so grateful for many things.

It’s little things like the groceries I just bought, the vacuum that just cleaned my carpets, or the card I received from children in New Jersey. Big things like my three coworkers who wore huge smiles when I briefly stopped by work today, a dentist who gave me the best visit to a dentist I have had in my life today, or the burst of creative energy I had in the last week. I am grateful for the last few months of working in a police department (and then quitting) and the recovery group I visited the last few weeks. Can anything inspire gratitude in one’s soul more than remembering the long journey of recovery and healing God has led them on?

A few days ago, I stepped into an empty weight room and was struck by the thought that such a thing was a little piece of heaven on earth. As I finished my workout, I thought about what my life goals were and realized the only SMART goals I have right now are related to the gym. How small have my dreams become?

It hit me in these last few weeks how much I left my dreams be robbed by a few people who hurt me deeply. At 24 years old, I was a director at a non-profit. Thirteen years later I apply for entry level positions and make less money per hour than I did when I was 22. One of the reasons is because I keep choosing relationship over money. Another is I apply for entry level positions. I left my confidence be shattered by people who had no right to destroy it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am INCREDIBLY excited about the entry level position I started last week. At this moment in time, I would definitely rather be on the front lines helping people than behind a desk telling people how to help people. Climbing ladders comes with a price.

Nonetheless, I’d like my confidence back. I’d like to be brave enough to take risks. I’d like to follow a dream and make a goal (bigger than hitting PRs in the gym). I’d like to use my Master’s degree to make a positive impact on the world, and I’d sure as heaven like to finish the novel I am working on and have it published far and wide.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to get my confidence back, shoot for the stars, and land on the moon. Maybe…

Comentarios


bottom of page