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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Tangible grace

How was my day in recovery? Exhausting. At least I am exhausted. I was having a fantastic day until about 3 o’clock. It stayed fantastic, but even a stranger decided to love me. A tangible gift of love I cannot deny. Then I sort of just became a water faucet. Unable to live without crying. I was in the park watching children. A good thing I struggle with allergies! No one can tell the difference between itchy, watery eyes and tears anyway, right?

Grace. We just completed the lesson on God’s grace in my Thursday night study. When I started the lesson two weeks ago, I was so confused. I had no idea how to answer any of the questions. I know theologically what grace is. I could even tell you technically how it applied to my life, but it seemed so unreal as I tried to answer the questions. At CR we do not answer the questions with what we know the answer should be, we answer with the answer we really believe. I was lost. All my answers seemed so surface. So not like the answers to the first eight steps.

Then someone told me the other day that in heaven I would not be able to experience God the way I do here. What? All I want to do is go home and know Him completely! Yes, in heaven we will have a different experience of God’s grace than we have here. It has sunk in over the course of the last two days. Tangible grace. I finally see it. It is finally not a theological term. It is finally not something I know exists, but cannot feel. Grace. God’s grace for my current brokenness. God’s grace for the brokenness of my abusers. Grace. In heaven I must experience His grace completely, but I will no longer be broken. That will be amazing.

I want to know Him like the crops need the rain, but first I want to experience His grace here. I am walking different with Him now. It feels good.

The results are in. I am going to trauma counseling. A few loose ends to tie up, and I am going to be doing something I cannot even fathom. What a blessing! Life. I get to live. Now and to all eternity. Everlasting grace. Forever and ever and ever!

Talking about all that makes me just want to go home and be with Him. I want to be with Him where He is. I am supposed to be reading Titus and Malachi this week in my quiet time. I am back to John. Stuck in John. I have no complaints. Someday He is going to come and take me home. Until then, I get to experience the riches of His grace here. It is enough.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” – John 14:1-4

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