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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Surprising to me

Well, I got out of bed to write this because for the second time in over a year and a half I forgot. Today was a real humdinger. Such a humdinger that I could not process it for the life of me. Two hours after I got into bed, here I am to tell you about it. God was really good to me today. I am so not the person I used to be. I am really thankful for that.

I am really frustrated that I have never learned how to accept the sacrifice of following Jesus. There are some parts that are not such a big deal anymore, but there are other parts that really, really hurt. One of the parts that is not a real big deal anymore is my finances. I laughed about them tonight because I felt rich. My God will supply all my need.

In a big turn of irony, the sacrifice I do not know how to process is connection with people. I am always having to make decisions about how to spend my time. If I based my decisions on feelings versus where I believed God was leading me, my decisions would be so different. I never realized I would have to give up enjoying time with so many people on my journey with God. The irony is five years ago when I was an addict, I was more than happy to be alone. Now leaving people feels like a sacrifice. I used to think they were something to run from.

Now I am going to go to bed. Perhaps since I have written this here, I will actually sleep. I will close with a line which occasionally gave me peace even before I knew Him or knew someone like me could know Him. “God is in heaven. All is well in the world.”

Seems so untrue. I know I am not closing, but tonight something else is really bothering me. The people who I do not know where they are. The ones that I do not see anymore who were living the hard life. The tough ones. The rough ones. The ones I love most. Not more than the ones who stayed, but more than the ones who have never come.

I have been thinking lately about how the joy that was set before Jesus when He went through His pain was a relationship with me. The joy set before me when I go through my pain is a deeper relationship with Him and the people around me. Kind of crazy how all joy is found in relationship. Well, rather expected, but since relationship is a pretty new thing in my life, it was surprising to me.

Jesus replied with this story: “A man prepared a great feast and sent out many invitations. When the banquet was ready, he sent his servant to tell the guests, ‘Come, the banquet is ready.’ But they all began making excuses. One said, ‘I have just bought a field and must inspect it. Please excuse me.’ Another said, ‘I have just bought five pairs of oxen, and I want to try them out. Please excuse me.’ Another said, ‘I now have a wife, so I can’t come.’

“The servant returned and told his master what they had said. His master was furious and said, ‘Go quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and invite the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.’ After the servant had done this, he reported, ‘There is still room for more.’ So his master said, ‘Go out into the country lanes and behind the hedges and urge anyone you find to come, so that the house will be full. For none of those I first invited will get even the smallest taste of my banquet.’” – Luke 14:16-24

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