I think I am just having a good day. I was a little tired today, but it felt a little better to be back into routine again. I am trying not to resent my routine. It’s not like I don’t like it, it is just so bound. I am so committed. I am so tied to routine in my life. Every day looks slightly different, but every week is so the same. I am not frustrated by my routine with small groups and work, though sometimes that seems like a commitment. I am frustrated with my time with God. I love my time with God, but I keep wanting to be “‘strong” enough to not need it. I guess what I really want is to be independent of needing Him. But that is not what I really want, that is simply what my old nature wants. My inner being wants to depend on Him completely.
For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! – Romans 7