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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Step-one humble

How did I grow today? I took lots of deep breaths to see how my lungs felt. They slowly started to breathe better. The right one always has been fine. It is that left one. Anyway, I read Genesis today. Appropriate for a time of new beginnings. I have noticed I enjoy reading the Bible a lot more when I read entire books of it at one time. The entire story and message feels different. I wish I had been more committed in quiet time this past week and read Titus and Malachi more.

I am pretty nervous about tomorrow. It has been a crazy week as far as recovery is concerned. I cannot help but wonder how I will react to church. I feel like it will either go really well or really poorly. As I have started to feel better physically, I have started to become more intimidated by my next round of counseling. Cold feet, which is ironic because my apartment is hot and not on account of the heater. I am so glad for spring.

I have also become more intimidated by the steps of vulnerability I have made this week. It is odd to have people know these things about me. At least know them without learning them at CR. It is also odd to have faced one of my greatest fears. I am not sure I know what life looks like after that yet. I do not know how to “function” while receiving love. It is going to take a whole lot of humility.

That is what I told a friend a few brief moments ago. What I need this coming week is a lot of humility! If I can be humble, I will be able to take these next steps in my life. If I get all wrapped up in a need to be competent and worried about what people think or how they will respond, I will not have the courage to reach out for help. I need to remain step-one humble. “I admit I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.”

I push my closest relationships away when they get too close. I want to learn how to invite them in instead of push them away when it starts to feel like love. Have boundaries? Absolutely. But I am tired of having walls that keep everything out. When someone offers to help, for once I want to say ‘yes’ before I need help so bad I cannot say ‘no’. Out with the old. In with the new. Hey, that is our sermon series at church!

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sinb for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. – 2 Corinthians 5:16-21

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