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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Something nice

If I had no memory, I would say today was a really, really good day. It ended that way. It ended on amazing notes. But this morning and all the way until evening I had a lot of anxiety. This morning it was so bad that if I was not literally praying or reading the Bible, it just rose up in me. That panicky feeling that makes it impossible to accomplish anything because I cannot have it and work at the same time.

So I reached out to some friends for prayer, and my anxiety became manageable for the rest of the day. When I am with people on a day filled with anxiety I am okay, it is when I am away from them that it all builds up. Well, what do you know, I just found a way that I am more comfortable with people than without them. Who would have thought? Not me.

I am not sure I was anxious about anything in particular except my whole life. I became anxious immediately after having a single dose of God time. I should have just went for a daily double, but instead I just breaked a lot today to concentrate just on Him. I had to because of the panicky thing.

I know I felt quite vulnerable about everyone having the opportunity to know my story today. I couldn’t imagine having to face everyone again, but something nice happened. I walked to a meeting and on the way met three people from my church. One happened to be riding a bike with one hand and balancing food in the other, so I thought it advisable not to distract him from a distance. However, the other two I had quite cheery conversations with. I do have to say that I would rather feel vulnerable and afraid when I am alone and actually interact with people when I am with them than feel like I trust them when I am alone, but when they come around have all my walls come up and not be able to say a word. The switch just occurred to me now. I am glad for the switch. No complaints whatsoever. I can only assume it is a very unpredictable switch that could change tomorrow, but I am not complaining about a momentary reprieve to my walls.

Life just keeps getting better. Nothing boring over here. Nothing boring at all.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. – Philippians 4:6

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