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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Some glad morning

“Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. I am having a conversation with God right now. Literally right now. It started before step study began. I am angry and wounded. Someone hurt me very badly in the last few weeks. I do not mind confrontation and accountability. I do mind just being hurt.

I have been reeling in pain. Not even knowing what reality is. As I sit here writing this and I rethink the events, I cannot help but be angry God is making me live through it. The past, present and future suck. I have grown very weary of well-doing. If only someone would care.

But that is not what I was having my conversation with God about before I started writing this. Well, it was about the pain, but not the weariness. He told me vengeance was His. It sort of ticks me off. I don’t mind when vengeance is God’s when nonChristians sin against me; but when Christians do, God’s system ticks me off. I mean what He is saying is, “This person gets off scot-free. They don’t have to pay a thing. Jesus did.” It ticks me off. Basically, they can do whatever they want and they don’t have to pay because Jesus did. Yup, it makes me mad.

But I have been thinking about it and talking to God about it. I have been able to release it just a little. The question is not whether the other person can sleep at night or whether they get punished for the sin. The question is whether I believe God is just. Do I believe He will work justice in this situation? Nothing about the situation feels just. Nothing within me wants to look at my own sins to make it easier to release the other person. Everything just screams in pain and calls for justice.

It seems so unfair that I have about another 50 years on earth before I will get to experience God’s justice fully. Before I will get released from the weariness of this life. When will I quit being a victim and have a voice?

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. – I Corinthians 13:12-13

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