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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Slightly stabilizing emotions

What a happy life. I am broken. I still struggle with a lot of things. I think I mainly struggle with looking for security on earth. I keep hoping someone will be my security. I do not want to have to be my own security. I know God is my Daddy and has been an awesome provider, but sometimes a provider who spoke to me face to face would be nice. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone tell me they will pay my bills if I work for them forty hours a week. Right now that does not seem to be the way God wants to provide for me. That is okay. I am content just living an absurd life in the eyes of everyone including myself.

If I do what God has called me to do, will God really provide for me? He has promised. Do I believe Him?

I had a great deal of fun just relaxing and being myself today. Being that bubbly extrovert from back in the day. I may have to cut back on the bubbly. Oh, well, I will warn my friends they are going to have to help me shut up and that my mouth is the number one thing to get me in trouble.

My emotions are still swinging. I am calm-ish right now. Not on either side of the swinging pendulum. I think it is very healthy that yesterday and today I have felt sad and wanted to cry without wanting to harm myself. That seems like a healthy positive direction for my emotions to move in.

I read Philippians this morning. I think I am going to need several months in that book. Partly because I had a hard time concentrating on reading it. Partly because it may take me at least that long to rejoice in all things. That seems like a tall order.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. – Philippians 2:1-4

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