Tonight I could write such a happy post if I only wrote about how I feel right now. My life is so amazing. But if I only told you that, it would not be the whole story. The truth is today I woke up troubled by a nightmare. Quite unpleasant dreams disturbed the last few hours of my sleep. When I awoke, I was sort of angry. I did not feel like reaching out to those I love and telling them how amazing they are and I was praying for them. I did not feel like stepping out the door into the amazing world of friends I have. I did not feel like it because I had a hard time believing it was true. Nothing like a flashback to make it hard to believe your current life exists.
I was so desperate when I awoke I had my morning quiet time with God before showering. That does not happen unless it is a Saturday I do not have to go out of the house. I still struggled. I showered. Then made blueberry muffins. Actually that was vice versa. Then I went back to quiet time. It was in this second time of just sitting and praying that my day began to turn around. Well, actually it turned around making blueberry muffins and listening to praise music. Clearly my memory is a bit sketchy today. Walking outside into the very springlike air really improved my mood also. By the time I made it to church I was doing pretty amazing.
Then there was a message I had to recover from. It has been awhile since I sat in church and was so entirely overwhelmed by a message. I just realized I generally am not overwhelmed in church because I wait to digest things until I get home. I did not do that today. Knee jerk reactions last week. Processing in the moment this week. We are moving forward!
Then there was CR. CR is always amazing. I am laughing a little right now because I am a part of six small groups. I told someone that today. They were like “you know there is a group for that”. I guess that is how I stay sober. All my circles of friends. They are so amazing.
Did you just hear that? I said it is amazing to have friends. Six years ago I had a life goal to never have friends. I am just sort of filling my life up with relationships. I think God was right. He created us for relationship. Oh, but my life is awesome!
Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. – Psalm 145:3
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