I had a pretty good day today though my sisters at step study seemed a bit doubtful when I said so after group tonight. The little biting bits of sarcasm after my answers were not just inspired by my trust issues. There is this other part of my life.
A few weeks ago, I shared one of the questions at unCR small group, “What is an area of your life where you are waiting for an answer from God?” My unvoiced answer was, “There is an area of my life I am waiting for an answer, but I am not listening for one.”
There was a development in this area of my life today. Honestly, I have been having a conversation with God about this area since October. I have experienced a major shift in my worldview. What I tentatively have begun to believe God is calling me toward scares me. What is beginning to seem to be His leading in my life seems to me to be entirely unChristian. Eight months ago, I would have looked at you like you were nuts if you told me I would consider this at any point in my life – even twenty years from now. I would like to make a case with God that I have enough going on in my life right now. Can we please back burner this? No, let’s get it done and over with. No, back burner and never think about it again.
So, how has my conversation from yesterday continued? Well, I fought apathy over my future in the beginning. The problem with fighting apathy is feeling apathetic about the apathy. I slowly have gotten more excited. I am still not as excited as I was a few days ago, but I am starting to feel a building enthusiasm.
I only have to work a few hours tomorrow, so I am planning to spend some extra time with God processing my life. Hopefully, He will speak truth into a lot of areas because I need it.
God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. – Matthew 5:3
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