Shaped

10:46 PM – Tuesday

Today was quite pleasant. The weather was beautiful. I had a quite clear mind. I must say I have been feeling quite alive lately. It is nice to feel quite alive. I like it very much. I think one of the reasons I feel alive is because I have been forgiving.

I am still not over my conversation with God about money. I do enjoy my life, but sometimes I wonder if I am responsible. But sometimes people beside and around me will try to dream about my life for me. (Btw, I do not like it when people try to “fix” me. Quit perceiving non-existent problems in my life!) It is in these moments when I entirely realize I definitely never want to make $100,000 a year. It is not on my list of dream ways to live life. It is not even on a list of ways I could tolerate living life. God shaped me to live a simple life. He gave me the desire though took my entire lifetime to craft me into someone with that desire.

I have begun to meet with people with the same struggles as me in the greater metropolitan area. It makes me feel less alone. It is not that I actually feel alone at my church, but sometimes it is nice to meet with people in the same position as ourselves. It adds perspective. It builds my ability and desire to dream about what God wants to do in this broken world. I am a fan of what God wants to do in this broken world.

The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. – 2 Peter 3:9