I am officially sitting down to do what I have never done before, and that is to rewrite an article for this blog. Anyways, I certainly don’t ever recall having to do so. The last article I wrote began with the sentiment that I probably should not be writing this right now, but was going to try anyway. After writing, I spent my noon time with God sobbing on His shoulder. Upon returning to my computer, even I couldn’t bear reading the pain and thoughts I had expressed. Now to be honest, that might be because it reminded me of the pain I had cried out with God. Though it may have just been super painful to read. Either way, I have no desire to reopen that computer file.
I have been going through a little anguish recently. As I poured over Romans today, I was comforted that Paul actually says he experienced “unceasing anguish” in his heart. Now the reason Paul experienced unceasing anguish and the reason why I am currently processing a great deal of pain are vastly different. Nonetheless I found the camaraderie encouraging.
I have been having a hard time believing God these last few weeks. I am most certainly unsure any of the visions, dreams or desires He has placed in my heart will ever come true. In some way, I am more certain than ever that nothing can separate me from His love. I just doubt He has the desire to change my circumstances.
The truth is that maybe He doesn’t. Maybe none of the passion in my heart for certain things actually came from Him. It is quite possible that I have entirely deceived myself. It could quite possibly be that none of the dreams and visions I thought He gave me will ever come to pass. And yet the only thing that really matters I already have, and He has guaranteed that nothing will separate me from it.
In apparent timeless fashion the words of a really old hymn are going through my head.
Thou are my Rock that naught can shake. In life, in death Thou art my stay. My Rock, my portion, LORD, for aye.
Like I said, really old; and I can’t remember any of the rest of the words.
I have been hanging by a thread to a promise from God this week. One found in Romans. (By now you must be used to it seeming like I think Romans is the only book in the Bible, right?) It’s a pretty amazing one:
Anyone who believes in Him will never be put to shame.
I think it vastly interesting that God promises to never shame me. A lot of people shame me. Sometimes entirely subconsciously. I have experienced shame in all sorts of ways from all sorts of people. Believers and nonbelievers alike. It seems to be a part of this experience on Earth.
But God promises something else. He promises that if I believe in Jesus, I will not experience shame as a result of that. I will never have to be embarrassed of my choice to believe Him. I am sometimes, but not because He has ever failed me.
I can’t help but think of the encouragement that verse must be for the persecuted Church, the people who get their heads chopped off for His sake. It’s on the other side of their greatest sacrifice when they experience that indeed it was very true that nothing could separate them from His love. Not death, nor life.
I basically conclude this week having decided that I am quite to entirely unsure obeying Him will lead to the result I thought He had promised; nevertheless, I am just going to keep doing what He told me to do because frankly I have nothing else to do. After all, He has promised that if I do, I will never be put to shame. For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.
Do you ever fear that following Jesus will eventually lead to embarrassment? What are ways you feel as though He has failed you? What are ways in which He has been faithful?
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