Tonight was CR. The message was about Principle 7, Step 10, taking a daily inventory. I guess it is appropriate for me to take a bit of a daily inventory tonight. I noticed for the first time after 10 months of reading through the principles and steps that I don’t really do a lot of self-examination in my quiet time. I am a pretty reflective person, which is a nice way to say I struggle with over-analyzation. This blog is helping me with self-examination in my quiet time. I was also thinking that I am a little arrogant, and I should repent of that.
I shared in small group about the conversation I had yesterday. Oddly after sharing the first time tonight, I had to work on not shaking for about 10 minutes. I shake a bit after emotional release sometimes.
Yesterday, as I prepared for bed, I was afraid I would lose the feeling of freedom when I awoke, but I did not. I awoke as free as a bird. I noticed with this new feeling of freedom, relationships feel different. At one point I was tempted to avoid certain people. Something I often have done in the past even if I love the people. I will plan my day in a way to not have to worry about having to receive love from them, basically.
I also had the opportunity to disagree with someone today and that was a big deal to me. I get really upset over some trigger points. I was not quite as upset today as I can be. I usually go off the deep end on subjects regarding misuse of Bible verses, but I actually mostly entered into a reasonable discussion today without getting too emotionally involved or upset.
Really after stepping out of a good bit of denial yesterday and feeling so free since then, I feel like I am running for the first time ever without hindrance. I am sure there are still plenty of hindrances. Several I just confessed above, but certainly one of the biggest hindrances I have been aware of, has been removed.
“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” – Hebrews 12:1