Wow, this week has been exhausting. I am doing really well right now, meaning right in this moment. That cannot be said of most of my day. I wasn’t anxious today. For the most part I was not angry or bitter. I was mostly just exhausted with an entirely foggy brain. About four o’clock I decided since I was going to be unable to have a sabbath this week, I would take the next hour or so to recharge. Somehow I got into an amazing and healing conversation with God and myself.
I am not entirely sure how. I think I stood in the middle of my room and told Him I would take the next step if only I knew what it was. But that might have been this morning or actually yesterday. All this blends together after awhile.
You have heard the next part of this story before. I took a piece of paper, and I drew a line down the center. But then the story changes because this time I drew three more lines to make five columns. Their titles matched history just a little, too. The first were “What he says” and “What I hear”. I have learned that these are very revealing in my life, especially in my relationships with men who are Christians.
The next three columns were equally helpful because I needed to sort out who had done what to me in my life. It all was getting very skewed in my brain, and I could no longer separate certain relationships and resentments and lack of trusts in my head no matter how I tried. I suppose I should just let go of all resentments anyway, but it would be wise to not trust everyone again.
The first two columns were absurdly different. More absurd than any other list I have made. Now if I can just live in the reality of sanity instead of the absurd world I was living in, I will be set. Set to live my life productively for Jesus.
I am not overstating it when I say that the man who caused all the trouble hurt all of you more than he hurt me. Most of you opposed him, and that was punishment enough. Now, however, it is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement. So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him. I wrote to you as I did to test you and see if you would fully comply with my instructions. When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ’s authority for your benefit, so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes. – 2 Corinthians 2:5-11
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