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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Rewritten

“There are no passed over and forgotten – only a future and a hope. The story was rewritten on the Cross. We are changed in His presence, changed in His presence. Never, ever the same.” I reckon the last time I shared those lyrics I was feeling quite passed over and forgotten. I am not so much anymore. Sometimes I feel like people have entirely forgotten me. I felt a bit like it momentarily this afternoon, but my engagement was different with this line today. God has not forgotten me. He has given me a new story. My story was rewritten.

The neighboring CR I visited this week was very much focused on how God has changed us. The redemption part of our story. The joyful part of our story. I notice it makes it invariably easier to talk about one’s personal recovery when one is focused on the Redeemer. I still struggle greatly with my pride. It is often extremely tough for me to say, “I lead Celebrate Recovery.” It is hard because there is one thing people know when they hear it. My life was an utter disaster. I was out of control. I am broken. And they judge me. I know they judge me because many have the exact same habits and sins in their life as I do or used to have in my life and they refuse to step into the journey with me. Maybe it is not judgment, but it makes me feel judged, incompetent and alone. Wow! I did not plan on being so morbid tonight!

What is it about our human nature that judgment and criticism are a defense mechanism? Today I was hurt a couple times throughout the day. I had a perfectly lovely day overall; but if one is going to be in a relationship with mortal man, one shall be hurt. I came home, and I found myself getting critical. I was disappointed in myself for becoming this way. I was frustrated. I did not want to go back to believing all the lies that used to go through my head about people who love me. As I sat down to have quiet time with God, I had a revelation. The root feeling from the incidences today was not my criticism. It was my hurt. Criticism is something I respond to hurt with. A few words spoken today reminded me of old wounds. Hurts that have not been entirely healed. Attacking the other person seems to be easier for my human nature than allowing God to heal the wound. It was a very good revelation. I think it is going to do wonders on my journey. It is okay to feel hurt, especially when people hurt me. And they will hurt me, because they are human and that is what humans do!

As I began praying, I talked to God about it. I do not remember our whole conversation, but I remember confessing how many times I hurt others through my own thoughtlessness. Life gets in the way and a small task they are waiting for me to do sometimes takes me weeks or months to get done. Not replying to an email, not checking in, not actively listening in a conversation. All those things say “I don’t care about you.” I am guilty of a lot of that. I care. I just am more caught up in my own activities and problems than I care. I have noticed I have been able to become more focused on others as I have dealt with my own pain.

Today was my church’s Easter egg hunt. Last year I was a bunny. It was loads of fun. I had tons of fun with a mask on, surrounded by people I was mostly afraid of. I was afraid, but with a mask on, I could manage to have fun. This year I did not want to wear a mask. I wanted to be free. I wanted to see, and I wanted to be seen. Today I had a lot of fun without a mask. It was not perfect, but I do not need a mask anymore.

Then I came home and had an amazing date with Jesus. I am thankful I have decided to fast video and TV on Saturdays. It is a little hard, but once I get beyond the “Awww, man, I can’t watch that?”, I am more than content with what I can do: spend time in His Word and connect with people. So I did just that today. This week I noticed John consistently notes that the Jews would not believe in Jesus unless they saw miracles and they are constantly asking Jesus for miracles to prove who He is. However, in telling the story of the Samaritan woman, John reiterates that the Samaritans believed Jesus because of His words. He does not note whether Jesus even performed a miracle in that village! I have no idea why John wrote it that way, but I did think it was fascinating.

I think this is the perfect verse to describe CR:

Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. – John 13:17

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