Saturday – 12:30 am
I had a very pleasant day with a lot of internal quietness. I seem to have gotten rid of a lot of negative emotion on Wednesday. I think I also got rid of a lot of bad motives. I have been able to let go of a lot of the arguments I had been having in my head prior to Wednesday. Somewhere in all of my rage, anger and tears I let go of what I had been holding onto. It feels really good.
I had a sabbath today minus two hours of babysitting this morning. It was awesome. I spent the entire day minus 15 minutes of TV and 20 minutes of music in silence. I had quiet conversation with God. Really quiet calm conversation. Sometimes I just asked Him to tell me anything He wanted me to know, and I quietly cleaned my apartment. I didn’t feel an excessive need to overthink, argue or even talk.
I had three things I wrote down from my conversation with God today. Only two of which I can share. The first is a short definition of sin: Forgivable, yet 100% entirely unacceptable behavior.
The second is that I should give no more respect and deference to the leaders “above” me as the ones “below” me. If all movement in the kingdom of heaven is horizontal, then there is no difference.
Late this afternoon, I was still not feeling extremely excited about my life’s transitions. But I had to tell people tonight why I was excited, so I opened my mouth and got about 15 seconds into a practice “why I was excited” and I realized I didn’t need to practice being excited. I was really excited. I am really excited.
Nothing is wasted. He works all things for good.
Jesus replied with this story: “A man prepared a great feast and sent out many invitations. When the banquet was ready, he sent his servant to tell the guests, ‘Come, the banquet is ready.’ But they all began making excuses. One said, ‘I have just bought a field and must inspect it. Please excuse me.’ Another said, ‘I have just bought five pairs of oxen, and I want to try them out. Please excuse me.’ Another said, ‘I now have a wife, so I can’t come.’
“The servant returned and told his master what they had said. His master was furious and said, ‘Go quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and invite the poor, the crippled, the blind, and the lame.’ After the servant had done this, he reported, ‘There is still room for more.’ So his master said, ‘Go out into the country lanes and behind the hedges and urge anyone you find to come, so that the house will be full. For none of those I first invited will get even the smallest taste of my banquet.’” – Luke 14:16-24