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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Repenting (again)

I am going to go to bed early because I would like to hide from myself right now. You ever do one of those really embarrassing things? God has been working on me for sometime now in one area of my life in the way I have conversations with people. I don’t even want to tell you what the problem is, but God caught me in a big one tonight. One I could not ignore. I could see I hurt the other person rather clearly. I called one of my accountability partners and asked for some strong accountability. “I don’t care how hard it is for you to hold me accountable to this. I am hurting people!” Actually I think I blamed it on the devil. “The devil is using it to hurt people!” Yeah, right. Pretty sure that was me.

My accountability partner and me both decided that it is time for me to start apologizing every time I make this “tiny” mistake in a conversation. I cannot believe I just said that. I mean apologizing for stupid things I do is an enormous part of the program I lead. Yup, I am messed up, too. Yup, I am still in denial. BUT tonight I chose to step out. Tonight I decided to start walking in freedom. I feel like such a fool!

There is a lot of spiritual warfare going on in my life right now. There has to be. I have had an incessant need to pray. I have started to pray that my spirit will let me rest just a bit. Praying can be exhausting! But there are two things I am trying to remember instead of complaining. Three actually. The first is an long-time friend of mine who wakes up in the middle of the night and prays for people for hours. I would love to be like her someday. I would like to have the faith of her; I also would like my sleep. But I would love to give that much to God at some point. The second is a friend reminding me today to stay in touch with the Spirit, so I can continue to feel the urges to pray. Don’t squelch them or I will squelch being able to hear His voice. I nearly forgot the third. It took me too long to write the other two. The third is if I am praying so hard, someone is in a fight right now. It is an honor to be a part of the war for Christ’s kingdom on earth.

So I’ll shout out His name. From the rooftops I’ll proclaim. That I am yours.

I also am going to try to tackle fixing my morning routine starting tomorrow. I have started to push the snooze button for like an hour. So not okay! Then I get angry at myself for getting out of bed so late. The dumb part is I could just set the alarm for 7:30 and not 6:30 and be done with it. But I don’t want to sleep that late! I want to be started working before 9!

Anyways I am going to bed!

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. – James 3:7-12

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