If you just read “finity” and asked, “That’s a word?”, you are right. It is not a word. But if infinite and finite are antonyms, shouldn’t infinity and finity be antonyms? It makes sense to me, so for the sake of this article, finity is simply going to refer to my state of being finite.
I find being finite really annoying. I only ever get to really see my perspective. I can listen to other people’s perspectives, but I can’t actually see what is happening in their brain. It would be nice to know what decisions are being made about our lives by others, especially when we are in those super difficult meetings and knowing what the other person was thinking would let us know what answer we eventually were going to actually get regarding the matter at hand. Instead of waiting for a formal rejection, we could just see the other person get the resume, snort at the idea and toss it to the side. It might hurt our feelings more, but it sure would lower the waiting in our lives.
I get frustrated at being finite for other reasons as well. I wish I could be instantly mature. What if I could become instantly infinitely patient? That would satisfy one of my frustrations with finity. Or how convenient it would be to know all the information in a book without ever reading it.
I think my biggest frustration with being finite is my inability to love people well. As my Gramma once pointed out, God doesn’t expect me to act like I have been saved twenty years when I have been saved two. But if I could, then I could be like Mother Theresa today. For a long time the idea of her selflessness has been something I have longed to attain. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be a person who could actually give everything?
But truth be told, my struggle with not giving everything likely has a lot more to do with dragging my unrighteous sinful nature along until we part ways at my physical death than it does with being finite.
I had a super weird realization a few months ago. I am going to be finite forever. Sometimes I and pop culture get what is true about heaven and what is false about heaven confused. For example, in heaven I will be perfectly righteous. Just as righteous as God, which means I will spend eternity worshiping Him perfectly. My entire existence will revolve around Him. Everything I do will be done in response to Him.
Other true things about heaven include no pain, tears or mourning. I really like those things.
But I realized God does NOT say we will know everything or even that the answers to everything we want to know will be readily available. I am not likely to receive answers from God about why He makes all the decisions He makes. I don’t think the Bible ever indicates that this is the case. I don’t think it ever says that heaven will give me attributes of God like being all-knowing, all-powerful or infinite. It also, coincidentally, doesn’t say I am going to turn into an angel or have wings.
I am going to be a human, a finite perfectly righteous human, who will finally be perfectly content with her finity and taking orders without question from her infinite God.
I don’t think that I think we will not get to ask God any questions at all. I just don’t think we will be entitled to making demands of God simply because we have arrived in heaven. A demanding spirit seems like the opposite of righteousness.
Oddly enough, remembering that I am eternally finite has been a great sense of relief to me on days when I am stressed out. God did NOT create me to be infinite or all-powerful. Even in heaven, this will not be expected of me. I can relax. He created me a limited creature. Trying to be more powerful than I am or create change in the world that I don’t have the capability of creating is trying to play God’s role in His story not mine.
All He wants me to do is play mine. I don’t have to do things I can’t. The only thing expected of me is to worship Him endlessly. He remembers I am dust. He knows I have a super crappy sinful nature. He also knows His Spirit is in me bringing life where there was only death. I can breathe easy. I am finite forever safe in the care of His infinity.
Do you sometimes try to change people or circumstances that only God can? Do you find it a relief that you will never be infinite or is it another source of frustration?
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