Do you ever have those times in life when you just do not want to go to bed because you would rather dance around your kitchen? Tonight is one of those nights. I like those nights. I have a super long day tomorrow, so I am trying to convince myself to go to bed. I sure don’t feel like it even if I feel like yawning.
Every time I think of one of my small groups I think it is my very favorite small group. Then I think of all my other small groups and decide all my other ones are just as favorite.
Today was just a good day. I had counseling this morning. I am learning to stand on my own two feet there and value myself. In all my life, I never knew I was so (she used a different word for it) codependent. Scientifically, I am not codependent, but in CR terminology I think I am. I take other people’s problems and make them my own. Besides that victims of trauma apparently somehow learn to experience the world through others instead of themselves. Which is why a good part of our session was me trying unsuccessfully to explain what I meant by “I felt cold.” So that is fascinating.
Earlier today I had a conversation with someone I was just getting to know. I thought it was interesting I told them my whole life was about relationship. That is all I do with my time is build relationship. Oddly, I do not think I was lying. Five years ago I swore I never would have a friend close enough to stand up in a wedding. Now my whole life is relationship. I so thankful things have changed. I love my life of building relationship. I love my Wednesday night group, too.
And the song playing in the background singing about how Jesus is my everything.
What’s my foundation? What’s left without Jesus?
Still praying a lot. Today it was fairly easy to be joyful. I did have moments or perhaps half hours of negative, critical thinking.
Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?”
Jesus was aware that his disciples were complaining, so he said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what will you think if you see the Son of Man ascend to heaven again? The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. But some of you do not believe me.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning which ones didn’t believe, and he knew who would betray him.) Then he said, “That is why I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father gives them to me.”
At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him. Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?”
Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.
Then Jesus said, “I chose the twelve of you, but one is a devil.” He was speaking of Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, one of the Twelve, who would later betray him. – John 6:60-71